When did Weddings Become More Important Than The Actual Marriage
March 30, 2016
So this past year a few of my friends got engaged and pretty much the minute it happened they were bombarded with advice and advertisements and messages about the wedding and what it’s supposed to look like or what’s currently in fashion in trend or all the other things that comes with planning a wedding and when they speak/vent about it to me or our other mutual friends I always end up asking myself when in the world did the wedding become bigger than the actual marriage because once the wedding is over that’s it you are married and in a marriage in my personal opinion it should no longer just be about what you want or need, it should about the other persons wants and needs as well. Everyone wants to pass off weddings as a union of 2 families coming together and to that I say BULLSHIT because if that was true if that was the case no one would give a crap what color the dress is or if they have a theme or what type of food they are serving. None of that would matter if it really was about the couple standing at the alter taking their vows and wanting to start a life together.
If you look up online the words marriage or wedding all you’ll find are articles on divorce help or what type of wedding you should have. Granted every marriage is different, every couple is different but I know plenty of people who get married for the big show, the gown, the party, the compliments and they made sure it was the biggest bestest, waste of money party you will ever see to prove how happy they are. Even if afterwards they ended up arguing with their partner about the major debt they now find themselves in and how they are unable to properly deal with it. People always say oh I married the wrong man or I married the wrong women or they changed etc. and sorry to break it to you, 99.9% of couple who get married have no idea who they are marrying because they don’t bother to continue to know the person they are marrying.
Just because you got the ring doesn’t mean the work is over. The work is actually just beginning planning a wedding big or small will show sides of your partner that you might or might not be aware of and with more intensity all you have to do is pay attention. I can’t tell you how many times a day friends and family tell me oh so and so doesn’t pay attention to me all he/she cares about are XYZ. My response is well do you pay attention to them, do you ask them questions do you communicate? Do you listen and understand what they are saying not just hear but also actually listening. So many people out there and believe me so many not just your husband or wife hear but do not actually listen what the other person is actually saying. Let me repeat that they hear BUT DO NOT LISTEN to what is being said to them because they listen to respond and not the understand or comprehend what it is that person is saying to them.
As everyone gets all caught up in the details of the wedding I seen couples lose sight of why they are getting married because they wrapped up in this whole we need to have an amazing wedding nonsense so our guest can post it on social media. It should not matter at all who can’t sit with who and how much it’s going to cost and the bullshit reasoning of have to invite 500 guests, hey guess what you actually don’t need to invite 500 guest or everyone of your parents friends. My personal notion on wedding is if I do not know you on a personal level you are not invited to my wedding I don't care how it looks to other people. The relationship between you and your partner should improve and get better as time goes on not go into well “I don’t care I want Aunt Claire from Florida so give me your credit card for the plane ticket” mode. It should not matter where you get married, how you are getting married or who is going to be there. What should matter is that you are pledging to spend your life with the person you love and what to build a family and home with. Remember at the end of the day once the wedding is over you are married and it’s no longer about you and your wants or needs, it’s also about the person that you have chosen to be with you.